How I reflect on my past as I turn 30 soon.

Self,

It’s crazy I’m going to be 30 years old soon. I’m proud of myself, it was never easy and I never quit, I kept on pushing and pursuing what I believed in. Always remember, even when we're past 30, DON'T EVER STOP.

September 1st is approaching, the time of the year when I reevaluate the journey that I have been on. Around this time it has never been easy, but it has always been essential in my self growth. Personally, I compare it to watching game film after a rough one; I take the time and reflect on my mistakes. Usually everyone wants to see the highlights, but we know watching the lowlights and learning from the bad is what's going to make us better.

We’d love to just live in the good, but that isn't reality.. So now, let's rewind the film.

Many changes have happened for me these past couple years, most taking place in my late 20s. I got married faster than expected, welcomed a daughter, and then a son; all in just THREE YEARS! Life comes at you fast. Changes are formulating each and every day and I was able to take those changes head on.

My career gives me many challenges, but I put a hold on elevating my career. It was difficult but I never ran away from the challenge to better myself. Even with being enlightened in knowing that my purpose goes beyond the lines of a 94 feet basketball court. I have come to a realization that the game of basketball could only be my focus for so long. I am working to understand that the game does not define who I am. My career and what I am embarking on after my career is a challenge, all athletes will have to face this one day. Building a family has been a challenge that has pushed me to look outside of basketball.

Over the past two-three years my biggest challenge has been creating a family as well as being far away from my immediate family. Building a family is a challenge of its own but I give my wife and I credit for taking this head on even though we do not have the physical support from our immediate parents, due to distance. Two children under two years old is not an easy job, especially when you are in a foreign country. I have no idea how the hell my parents were able to do SIX kids, they were nuts for that.

My parents and siblings were always the ones who fueled me. Being in their presence motivates, inspires, and pushes me to new limits. Now, since I have not been able to have their presence around me, I look towards my children and wife to keep me motivated and ambitious. I strongly believe any man would do this and it's a testament of who I am. Family is what fuels me, they have all helped build me into who I am and who I am becoming. I have never been the greatest brother or friend, I’ve had my many flaws in that area but through my growth mindset I’ve understood the value of the people around me and do my best to be a better brother, friend, father or husband each day. It's been beautiful to see that for myself and it is essential to continue to show gratitude for the support my love ones give.

Every move wasn’t always precise, wasn’t always perfect but every move showed growth. I constantly remind myself why I was given the middle name ‘James’ by my parents. It was given to me from the bible as a testament of who I am. My trials and tribulations build my character, wisdom, and growth.

“2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Going through adversity builds character and molds me, as it does for us all. Never forgetting that as I continue on this journey. Failure, trials, and adversity builds character to make me a resilient individual. The key is to stay consistent in my pursuit, stay persistent, continue to be committed and even at times be vigilant in what I want and believe in.

Whatever I am searching for within me, I already know I have. Sometimes I just have to find ways to remind myself. Mom and dad instilled that in me. Oftentimes, doubt and uncertainty resides in our mind. In the past, doubt would control my thoughts. I would do my best to remove the unwanted thoughts as quickly as possible and replace them with positive affirmations. I remember how much my parents would remind us all the time these affirmations of confidence they would speak into us so that we would take on a positive approach for the dreams we had or just the approach to life. We can’t stop doubt or uncertainty from coming into our mind but it’s always our job to recognize them and replace them with some optimistic thoughts. Any time we would present some type of doubt we were reminded over and over again.

“You're going to get a Division 1 scholarship and go play in the NBA and make a lot of money.”

“One day you all are going to make the NBA and be Hall of Famers.”

“You are special, you will shock the world one day.”

“You can do whatever you want in this world, as long as you put the work in and believe in yourself.”

The purpose of those words stay with me all of my life, they are engraved in who I am.

Just look at my other siblings and look at how amazing they are and what they have accomplished in their own lives. That is in my blood, we all know what we are capable of deep inside of us. I guess I forget how much of a blessing it is to be able to look within my own family to be inspired and enlightened to want to be more. Something that I will instill within my own family as well. I will stay true to those words that empower us to be confident and strong; those words have power as they are recited in your mind and spoken out loud. The affirmations we give ourselves are reminders for who we are and what we are becoming.

Recently I came across an old journal I had written, it made me reflect a bit deeper into it. I know it's been a tough year so far and all of these changes are coming so fast it's difficult to catch a grip on life. I mentally try to find ways to grow so that I am always prepared but after reading that old journal it made me reevaluate things even more.

The journal was from about 3 years ago, shortly after I found out my wife was pregnant. I wrote down all these desires of what I want to accomplish in my life by the time I turned 30. This is a typical thing I do before any season or journey in my life. For example, I would write down desires and goals for myself at the beginning of my seasons, to start the summers, or even when a change is coming like becoming a father. When I read and saw how much of the things I had accomplished from the goals I wrote down. I felt defeated by noticing that I did not achieve any of them. I think I was a bit over optimistic not knowing how much time was going to be taken away from me with bringing in two children.

At the moment I felt like I failed but I learned there is no failure. All the things I ask for truly aren't compared to anything that I already have now, which is my family, and the experiences I had throughout my journey. I still desire to achieve those things, as they are my ambitions and goals. These things, as you already know, but just so the reader is informed, were manifestations for my future specifically in my career field, finances, and other endeavors, avenues I want to explore, like business and what I want to pursue after basketball. I am an eager and ambitious individual who has dreams and desires that I want to fulfill which made me optimistic about achieving these things when I wrote the journal. My eagerness sometimes may hinder my growth but my ambitions and desires will not let me stop from pushing to learn, grow and achieve it. So it didn't feel like failure, more than anything it made me feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be to achieve it once I took a moment to sit back and look at the bigger picture.

I took a step back to evaluate, gave myself some slack and just looked at the bigger picture. You took time to build your family in the past three years, which took a lot of your time and effort and focus away from your ambitions. You did your best to try to balance both your priorities and your goals but in the end your priorities took more time. Now that you won't be having any more children coming, hopefully, you can work on finding a way to balance both your family and ambitions.

I’ve felt this change that has been coming my way, like a shift. I thought having children was going to do it for me instantly but it seemed like this change had to go through a process so that I would end up right where I needed to be. I feel this change that has been evolving is starting to shape and manifest itself. In my life all the signs lead towards it, its a shift of growth and any growth takes a lot of work. This journey for me to achieve the ambitions I want for myself will be a new journey of being uncomfortable and unfamiliarity, it's already been like that for me for sometime but if it’s anything close to what I have studied from many greats, right on the other side of getting uncomfortable is what we are searching for. As I am walking into my 30s it seems like that journal entry is right on time rather than it feeling like it's late or demolished.

As long as we continue to have an optimistic approach, move at a pace that is smooth and not forced and put the work and action toward what we want to achieve we will soon notice we have reached our destination.

It truly is. I recently came across this quote from this documentary about this therapist named Phil Stutz. He was the therapist of Johan Hill. He stated in the film,

“In order to understand how the tools can be used, Stutz says you need to understand the three Aspects of Reality that no one — really, no one — can avoid. Those three aspects are Pain, Uncertainty and Constant Work.”

Hearing that made me feel a bit of comfort. No matter what, we must go through pain, uncertainty, and constant work. We can not avoid that, nor can we hide or go around it. Even the greatest achievers all went through pain, uncertainty or doubt and everybody has to put in constant work somehow or some way. There's no such thing as an overnight sensation to me. I will always put the work in, that has always been built in me but the pain and uncertainty sometimes makes us question until you realize, compartmentalize and break it down why we have to grow through it, you understand at the end of the day it is all mandatory, it is all just part of the process.

Overall I am excited for this new chapter in my life. Year 29 has been a tough one for me, it's been a challenge that I have been taking on and has opened my eyes to a newer perspective. As long as I continue to show effort and consistency towards the destination I am aiming for on this journey then I know I will reach the end. It’s an ongoing process of finding ways to challenge myself, learn and grow. Writing this post is a great way to release my thoughts and keep myself accountable for what I am trying to achieve. It's also therapeutic to be able to share and talk about my life openly, hopefully somebody will be inspired to be able to do the same. Continue to strive on the journey you embrace and always remember that committing to the challenge is where the growth resides.

One Love,

Tyler Harris